Trusting in the plan and the promise of God

God has given me the gift of time right now.  As hard as it is that I am struggling to find a job and am no longer going to school, I am learning to be thankful for this time.  I am able to slowly adjust to being a wife and taking care of a home.  I am getting to unpack the never ending boxes and decorate my house I now get to share with my husband! :)  I am not used to having this much time.  And as much as I am ready to start the job that God wants me to have, He has also showed me that right now He wants me to wait before Him.  God is doing some radical things in my heart and I am so thankful for the time that I have to process it all.  He is revealing so much to me and a lot of it has to do with trust.

The biggest thing I have a hard time trusting is God's plan.  Let's face it, some things happen that I just don't understand.  And I have been going through a season of my life that is filled with these events and things that I honestly may never understand.  I have found myself on my knees crying for discernment and trying to be okay.  At times I have found myself angry at God for the things that were happening around me.  Many times, Jared gently reminds me that in everything God has a plan.  Sometimes this encourages me and other times it just seems to upset me more.  I know God has a plan, but my feelings don't understand.  How could any of this fit into His plan? I often find myself asking God why.  I just want answers.  If I can get answers, then everything will be okay, right?  If I know why things are happening, then they will be easier to go through, right?  Far from the truth...

I think sometimes, that if we knew the answers, if we knew what was going to happen, there are some things we would run from.  We also would have no reason to trust God.  We would have no need to understand that His plan is far greater then the one we can come up with on our own.  I am learning that I need refining.  In 1 Peter 1:6-7 it says : "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."  I am being refined of the need to understand.  God is chipping away at my need to be in control.  He is showing me how much I need to trust, how much I need to cling to his promises.

Because you see, there aren't answers.  There are things in this world that I will never understand.  There are trials and pain that I will never comprehend or know why they needed to happen.  I can't find answers for myself and I can't find answers to give to anyone else.  The only thing I know is that our God is faithful.  Our God is trustworthy.  Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Our God has plans, good plans, for my life and yours.  Sometimes He has to sift through our hearts, a process that often times hurts, to get us to understand that we don't have to understand.  We just have to obey.  We just have to open our hearts to the One who is greater than this world and everything in it. 

There are still many times that I find myself back on my knees asking why.  Asking for Him to help me understand.  And God just holds me and He tells me that He is in control.  I don't need the answers.  I just need the promise.  I need the promise that our God has already overcome evil.  The promise that He holds us in His hands and He sees every tear that we cry.  He can take us being angry with Him, as long as we learn to let go of it.  I just need the promise that His plan is good. 

When there are those things in your life that you just do not understand, I pray that God would capture your heart and give you the peace that His promise holds. 

Perfection vs. Obedience

I was reading through my journal today and came across a quote I wrote down from a book I read last year.  It really stood out to me again today.  "The goal of perfection only points out how far I have to go but obedience marks how far I have already come. Perfection frustrates and torments. Obedience releases and makes whole." - Joanna Weaver.  I struggle with perfectionism.  Striving to be perfect in all areas of my life, including my walk with Christ, leaves me feeling inadequate.  One of my biggest fears is failure.  Most of the time I am so afraid of not being perfect and failing, that I do not even try.  I ignore the things that God puts in front of me because I am afraid I wouldn't be perfect. This is why it has been so hard for me to want to share my writing.  I have this ideal in my head that it needs to be perfect.

But this is where obedience comes in.  When you are obedient in doing something that God asks you to do, it is so freeing.  Living in obedience to Christ is what an abundant life looks like.  Being obedient is not always the easiest thing.  It is hard to put yourself out there, to step out in faith into something new.  But you aren't expected to be perfect.  You are just expected to take a step towards the life that Christ wants you to live.  Obedience releases you from the pressure of having to be perfect. It releases you to live life.

I might always struggle with perfectionism.  I still want to make the perfect dinner for my husband.  I still will want to have our home look perfect.  But if I focus my eyes ahead and on being the woman and the wife that God wants me to be,  I don't have to be perfect.  If I give into that pressure, than I will be paralyzed with fear because I don't want to fail.  Trying is being obedient.  Taking tiny steps of faith is being obedient. Trusting is living an abundant life.

Starting is half the battle

Well, here it goes.  After much gentle nudging from my wonderful husband, I have finally decided to start a blog.  Many people don't know, but one of my biggest passions is writing.  I have been doing it for years and most of what I write never gets read by anyone.  I think it is one of my biggest fears to share what I write.  Most of the time, it is things that are very close to my heart, things people don't even know about me.  I get to caught up in what people think about my writing instead of focusing on the fact that I just enjoy doing it.  It's not only Jared that is asking me to open myself up and share my writing, but I believe that the Lord has been tugging at my heart for years to finally share this passion of mine.  I keep making excuses and clinging to my fear.  So, starting is half the battle of getting over that fear.  I really have no idea where this blog might go or who might even read it.  But that's not the point. This is me, sharing myself and my passions.
 
Something that the Lord has really been laying on my heart lately has been the idea that He desires for us to live a full, abundant life.  One that is filled with joy and passion.  I cannot say that I have done this.  Most of the time I let fear control my life instead of really living and enjoying what God is doing.  So as I begin this journey of learning what an abundant life is, I look forward to opening up my heart, no matter how hard it might be, and seeing what God wants to do through this blog.